


asmRtist

by footsieinthegarden



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: ASMR, Asexual Enjolras, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Pining, Pining Enjolras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 20:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/footsieinthegarden/pseuds/footsieinthegarden
Summary: Enjolras struggles with having nothing to do over fall study break, and his feelings for Grantaire. Finding Grantaire's ASMR channel on YouTube, with a little help from their friends, manages to solve both his problems at once.





	asmRtist

**Author's Note:**

> Was this fic 100% inspired by wanting to make the term ASMRtist even more of a pun? Yes, yes it was. I can only hope this is what Victor Hugo would've wanted.
> 
> (The puns, not the fluff.)

“Any particular reason you’re cleaning the apartment so thoroughly?” Courfeyrac asked, propping his chin in his hands on the counter. 

“There’s nothing wrong with a clean apartment,” Enjolras said defensively, keeping his eyes on the heavy silverware tray as he lowered it back into the drawer he had just wiped down. 

“As long as there’s room on the bed, I doubt Grantaire will care about anything else.”

“Courf!” Enjolras definitely did not squeak as he busied himself with scrubbing the stove coils he had left soaking in the sink. “I am definitely not asking Grantaire over tonight, and even if I were, I don’t know what you think we would need the bed for.” He glanced up just long enough to see Courfeyrac roll his eyes.

“I was assuming you would want to sleep at some point.” He brightened. “Unless you think you would stay up all night talking?”

“Courfeyrac, this looks less like studying and more like pestering Enjolras.”

Enjolras didn’t have to glance up this time to know Courfeyrac had been reduced to silence by the sight of Combeferre fresh from the shower; in fact, it was better not to look at all until safety was confirmed. He focused very hard on not wondering what Grantaire would look like in a similar situation. “Ferre, I just wanted to offer that we could leave tonight if Enjolras needed the apartment.”

“You don’t even live here,” Enjolras pointed out, looking to Combeferre for help. It was probably a lost cause to insist he didn’t need the apartment, even though he really didn’t. 

“That is a valid point. We could make you leave any time.” Combeferre ignored Courfeyrac’s look of horror and the way he melodramatically draped himself across the counter. “Besides, I’m sure Grantaire has projects he needs to work on over break.” 

“No, he doesn’t,” Courfeyrac sing-songed, instantly perking back up. Enjolras wished he hadn’t already vacuumed and wondered how much damage it would cause just to leave the garbage disposal on. “Since I knew that someone,” he looked dramatically at Enjolras, “only had papers to do and already got them done before break because otherwise the world would end, I made inquiries and found out someone else has a very long, very empty, very sad study break ahead of them.”

“Courf!” Enjolras would admit that he did squeak that time. Combeferre frowned.

Courfeyrac waved his hands at them. “Don’t worry, I was subtle. Well, maybe not subtle-subtle, but he didn’t hear anything from me.” Enjolras contemplated how likely it was Courfeyrac would think making a giant banner that read “Enjolras wants to spend time with you but doesn’t know how to ask!” was subtle. He didn’t even want to contemplate how many emojis he didn’t even know existed Courfeyrac would include in such a banner. “I just asked Jehan how busy Grantaire was and said there would be space in the study room at the library since Enjolras didn’t need to come, and then later on Joly reliably informed me R was also free.” 

“Does everyone know?” Enjolras asked miserably. He planned to wait to share his feelings with Grantaire until he knew exactly what to say, and the chance he would be forced to confront him sooner rather than later grew with the number of people who were waiting for something to happen. He thought he could get through the first part, actually telling Grantaire how he felt, if the situation was particularly dire, but he had no idea what to do if he was rejected, or accepted. 

Courfeyrac and Combeferre exchanged a look he didn’t understand. “I wouldn’t worry, Enjolras,” Combeferre finally said, and it was more reassuring coming from him than Courfeyrac. “And I think it’s time we get back to studying,” he said meaningfully, steering Courfeyrac away. 

Enjolras made himself scarce when his friends’ studying seemed to be devolving into something else, hiding out in the safety of his room until they came to collect him. It wasn’t so much a meeting that night as a low-key night out, according to Courfeyrac, or a nice change of pace for studying, according to Combeferre, who packed his books along and joined Joly at a small table when they arrived. Grantaire, who Enjolras very carefully did not look for immediately, was sitting with Eponine, Bahorel, Jehan, and Cosette, and they were all deeply engaged in conversation, which probably meant it was nothing serious. To be completely accurate, Marius was there too, but instead of participating, he was totally focused on Cosette, whether she was speaking or listening. 

Jehan waved at Enjolras, and before he could simply wave back and go find Feuilly to have a nice, interesting, safe conversation about work, Eponine stood and, extricating Cosette from Marius’s lap, went off to the bathroom. Jehan motioned for him to take the now empty seat, right by Grantaire. Enjolras was distracted from his plight by trying to decipher what was being debated; he had no idea his friends had such passionate views on whether Jehan was correct in calling their cat’s front two legs arms. Enjolras had a feeling Grantaire agreed with Jehan because it allowed him to posit a wide variety of hypothetical scenarios involving people on all fours, but he couldn’t quite bite back a smile when Grantaire said something about limbs not needing to conform to Bahorel’s narrow-minded limb binary. It made Jehan smile as well, but Enjolras suspected he was the only one of the pair to also be so…interested in the sound of Grantaire’s laugh and the way his breath smelled of root beer.

Enjolras abruptly stood up and went to find his own drink. This turned out to be a poor choice, because upon his return, he discovered Eponine had dragged up a new chair for herself, on the other side of Jehan, and his seat had been pushed even closer to Grantaire’s. When he slid in, their shoulders brushed together, and instead of ignoring it like a normal, regular person, Grantaire quickly winked at Enjolras before returning to the new debate about whether penguins had knees. Enjolras tried to focus on his drink and nearly jumped up when Jehan softly touched his shoulder. “Stressed out?” He realized belatedly he had been drumming his fingers on his thigh.

“A little, I suppose.”

“A little?” asked Courfeyrac, popping up from behind Jehan. “You spent the entire day stress cleaning.”

“Alright, maybe it’s more than a little. But there’s nothing to stress about – my papers are done. I just feel guilty that everyone else is working so hard and I’m not. That I can’t. I don’t understand the point of giving out syllabi for the whole semester if you’re not going to post all the assignments too.”

“Maybe that would be too stressful for people who struggle just to do the minimum to make it through life, Apollo,” Grantaire remarked, not bothering to look up from his phone as he searched for more penguin facts.

“R, I’m sure you would appreciate more time to work on your projects,” Jehan very gently pointed out.

“I wasn’t saying I wouldn’t,” Grantaire agreed before shoving a wall of text that had to be a scientific article over to Bahorel.

“Let’s talk about something fun instead!” Courfeyrac decided. “Like how nice Jehan’s hair looks tonight.” 

Enjolras actually thought Jehan’s braid looked far simpler than normal, though he was hardly an expert; it was best to defer to Courfeyrac on such matters. “It does look very nice.”

“Thanks. R did it for me.” They twirled the end of their braid around a finger and smiled. R, in the act of retrieving his phone from Bahorel, almost dropped it and, of all things, blushed. This, somehow, was something Enjolras was more of an expert on. Grantaire didn’t blush, and certainly not about braiding a close friend’s hair. 

Grantaire shrugged when he recovered enough. “It was a favor.” Jehan frowned and, trapped between their silent argument, Enjolras vacated the premises to see how Combeferre was doing. 

“Still stressed?” he asked, when Enjolras sat down across from him and Joly.

“You’re feeling anxious that you’ll have work to do in the future but can’t do any of it now? While everyone else is frantically studying?” Joly asked, full of concern.

“Something like that,” Enjolras mumbled, realizing how silly it sounded out loud. He really could use the long weekend to unwind and relax a bit, maybe get over himself and ask Grantaire to hang out, but the pressure in his chest made it hard.

Joly brightened and took out his phone. “Here, I have an idea. I don’t know if you have this, but these videos might help you relax either way. I find them really helpful on days when my leg is worse than usual.” Enjolras clicked the link and scrolled through the YouTube playlist it brought up. He wasn’t sure what ASMR was, or how it was supposed to help, but if Joly said the videos helped with his pain, he believed him. “There’s lots out there if you search, but those are my favorites!” Combeferre coughed into his hand, and Joly didn’t even scold him for not using his elbow.

“Thanks, Joly. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I better get going though. Studying for too long at once has been proven to be less effective. I need some sleep before I dive back in.”

“Great idea,” Courfeyrac said, materializing from behind Combeferre this time and shutting his textbook for him, after slipping in a bookmark. “Marius had an even better idea to spend the night at Cosette’s-” Enjolras slipped away before he could hear more about why Combeferre absolutely had to go over to Courfeyrac’s. Grantaire was now sitting alone, though Jehan’s bag, if one could call it that, was on the table next to him. 

He sat down, right next to Grantaire again, who looked up in surprise. “So, what was the verdict about penguins?” he blurted out in an attempt to make things less awkward, though it felt like it only did the opposite. Enjolras knew he was the one blushing this time. 

“Mmm, we eventually concluded they have knees, but they don’t identify as such.”

“Oh. That seems fair.” He hated that Courfeyrac made it sound like talking to Grantaire one-on-one would be so easy, when he had no actual idea what to do. “I hear you’re free this weekend too,” he attempted valiantly, feeling about as subtle as a brick. 

“While my major is useless, the one thing it has going for it is no tests.”

“It’s not useless, Grantaire!” Enjolras tried to contain himself. Grantaire was well-practiced at this particular argument and would win every time. “Besides, Jehan said you had projects to do, you just finished them already.”

Grantaire looked up quickly and then narrowed his eyes suspiciously in the direction of the bathroom. “I don’t know why they said that.”

“We could get coffee tomorrow afternoon,” Enjolras suggested, in a way that had to sound apropos of nothing. Or he hoped it did, since the alternative was Grantaire knowing he was a frequent occurrence in Enjolras’s thoughts. Grantaire stared him, only saved by Jehan’s return. “You don’t have to, of course. It was just an idea.” Enjolras wished someone would hit him with a brick. And then hit Courfeyrac afterwards, for suggesting he do something like this.

“Don’t have to do what?” Jehan asked mildly.

“Enjolras wanted to get coffee tomorrow,” Grantaire repeated, slightly strained.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea!” 

Grantaire was still looking at Jehan but said, “Alright, coffee tomorrow. But afternoon. I’m fucking sleeping in.” The two of them left in quiet conversation. Maybe Enjolras had been hit by a brick after all and was hallucinating. He wished he had clarified the nature of the coffee-getting, because the vague purpose made his chest tighter than it had been all day. Was it a date? Was it just as friends? What did Grantaire want?

“We’re getting coffee tomorrow,” he said to Courfeyrac when he came up, hand-in-hand with Combeferre. Courfeyrac emitted an excited sound of some sort. 

“I hope you have a nice time,” Combeferre said evenly. “I’ll be back some time tomorrow.”

“Ferre has a very important anatomy midterm to study for.”

“Courf, that joke wasn’t funny even when Combeferre was actually taking anatomy.” 

“I know, but clichés are so fun sometimes, aren’t they?” He said this meaningfully, though Enjolras had missed the memo on this too.

“Good night,” he said instead. “Enjoy…studying.” 

He had hoped the walk home in the comfortable fall chill would help him decompress a little, but he felt just as wound up after taking a hot shower and changing into his pajamas. He brought his laptop into bed, ignoring his Internal Joly telling him the light would mess up his sleep cycle, and looked up the playlist External Joly had sent him earlier. He wasn’t sure what ASMR was, but knowing Joly, the worst it would be was a little woo; just watching a recommended video sounded easier than Googling it now that he was in bed. He grabbed his headphones from his nightstand when the description box recommended them. 

The first video was a young woman crinkling a variety of different materials. He dutifully clicked on each time stamp in the description, but the sounds only ranged from boring to irritating. But since Joly’s playlist had over 500 videos in it, enough to make Enjolras wonder if every video was his favorite, he felt like the right thing to do would be to at least try a few more; Joly would probably ask if he had tried a statistically significant sample. He picked another at random, wondering why watching someone tap things would help him relax, but as soon as he started the video, he had to stop.

Holy fuck. 

The sensation itself was not new, but the intensity was; he had sometimes felt the warm tingling at the back of his neck and down his spine, and while it felt good, it had never felt this good, never like he would spontaneously turn into a pile of goop. And he certainly didn’t know it was something he could intentionally trigger. Or even that it had a name. He leaned back against the pillows as the feeling slowly faded. He opened the Wikipedia article for ASMR and restarted the video but he couldn’t think and listen at the same time, so he paused it again while he read. The name sounded pretentious, and he could only imagine what Grantaire would say about it, but the details were good.

When had he felt this before? The video brought back memories tied to that feeling, mostly from elementary school, maybe even earlier, of teachers reading aloud or telling stories. A quick perusal of Joly’s favorites turned up several roleplays in that vein. He clicked one at a random, though this woman’s voice was only relaxing in the normal way. The related videos list contained other school-themed videos, and on a whim he switched to one labeled “Studying.” Maybe if he couldn’t study for real, he could relax watching someone else do it; he liked the irony of it.

It didn’t show much, just a pair of petite hands writing in a notebook, various books and supplies spread out on the desk. He closed his eyes, and the sensation overtook him as the unidentified person started writing in pencil. He realized he liked it when Combeferre studied and made similar sounds, but this was clear and isolated and intentional, and about a million times better. He thought he dozed for awhile, but the person’s occasional whispering kept jerking him back to reality, his mind feeling like he needed to pay attention. The paper and pencil sounds were the best part, so he searched and found a whole plethora of writing and drawing videos, without talking. He picked the top result; he had no idea who asmRtist was, but hundreds of thousands of subscribers couldn’t be wrong. It had no talking, as advertised, and while he could tell whoever was sketching the cityscape was very talented, it was hard to keep his eyes open.

He woke up some time later, ears aching from where his headphones were pressed against them. He gingerly removed them and tried to ignore the throbbing in one of his ear canals. He had done the opposite of mess up his sleep, but Joly would still be upset to know he had hurt himself. His laptop had fallen asleep too, and he unlocked it, intending to shut it down. YouTube had autopaused in the middle of another video by asmRtist, vaguely titled “Something Different!” and suddenly Enjolras was wide awake. 

The person sitting on a stool had their back to the camera, but he knew it was Jehan. Likewise, the person who was braiding their hair was turned aside, but he knew it was Grantaire. He hovered the mouse over the close button. He could see now that Grantaire was embarrassed earlier at the thought of Enjolras finding out about this channel, though he didn’t know why. It seemed like clicking away would be the right thing to do, but it was also a public channel, and he had found it by happenstance. Or had he? Jehan and Joly and Courfeyrac had led him here, and surely they wouldn’t have done so if Grantaire really didn’t want him to know?

He was also very distracted by wondering what it would feel like to have Grantaire give him his undivided attention and gently play with his hair. He knew Grantaire could touch any other person’s hair, provided they also consented to it, but if it had been anyone other than Jehan in the video, he would’ve been painfully jealous; instead he just felt a few twinges. He allowed himself to scroll down to the comments, since the page was already open after all, and even allowing for the fact Grantaire might moderate them, he found them almost all to be glowing and positive; even the more “negative” ones just mentioned they were looking forward to more of Grantaire’s art-related content. He went to the channel home page and found that everything else was in fact somehow related to art.

He picked one that only showed Grantaire’s hands and what must be his old art history textbook. It didn’t seem like a strict roleplay like the first videos he had tried, just Grantaire flipping through the pages and talking about the different works of art featured, slowly and quietly explaining the techniques used in layperson’s terms, as well as what he particularly liked about each one. Enjolras had thought his voice was nice already, but this version of it was intoxicating, low and gentle and soft, and he fell asleep easily this time.

It was a good thing Grantaire wanted to meet in the afternoon, he mused, when he woke in the late morning, sun filtering in through the blinds. His laptop had died at some point and when he finally rolled himself out of bed, he left it charging in his room so he wouldn’t be tempted to keep watching. Combeferre was still out, no doubt still sleeping off all that “studying,” and he wandered around their clean kitchen. He felt like he had to say something to Grantaire now, even though he didn’t. Except he did? It was very confusing. Maybe Combeferre was just staying away so he didn’t have to counsel Enjolras through this yet again: because yes, Grantaire would still be his friend even if he turned out not to be interested and no, no one would tease Enjolras for being rejected and finally, no, Grantaire would definitely not do or say anything cruel when he found Enjolras was on the ace spectrum, somewhere. 

With nothing to do and no one to talk to, Enjolras tried to do the sensible thing and take himself on a long walk, just listening to music and enjoying the nice weather, which was also definitely the only reason he wore his favorite red hoodie. The exercise did give him the notion that he had something to do, but with his mind free to wander, he couldn’t help but imagine what would happen after he met Grantaire. Maybe he would be repeating this same walk in a very different frame of mind. At least he would feel justified calling Combeferre to mope, if he had something real to mope about.

He thought he would arrive at the coffee shop early, but he found Grantaire had still beaten him there, and while he had his sketchbook out on the table, it didn’t look like he had bought a drink yet. He was wearing a green sweater nice enough to show he put in effort but not nice enough to look like he was making assumptions; Enjolras found he very much approved. Grantaire didn’t look up when he entered, since he wouldn’t have been expecting him. Enjolras quietly ordered his own drink and, on a hunch, asked the barista if he would make Grantaire’s regular, which he did with a knowing smile. He found himself wishing he knew exactly what Grantaire wanted all on his own. 

Enjolras approached the table with both drinks, his stomach somewhere between nicely flip-flopping and just hurting. “Hello, Grantaire.” 

Grantaire jumped and closed his sketchbook too quickly, though he tried to cover it up by reaching out for his coffee. Enjolras didn’t think it would be right to make sure their hands brushed, but he wished he did. “Apollo, I didn’t expect you to grace me with your presence so early.” 

“I was looking forward to seeing you,” Enjolras admitted. Grantaire looked like he would’ve spit out his coffee if he’d been drinking it, but then recovered.

“Why? Are you busy writing a speech after all and want me to critique it in private?”

“No. Maybe I should have. I spent last night doing…other things.” This was not a particularly good segue, and it only got worse when Grantaire smirked at him.

“Other things? Do tell.” He leaned forward, still smirking, but his eyes were a little sad. Did he think Enjolras had brought someone home last night? Who would he have even brought home? How could he have managed something like that without Courfeyrac finding out and broadcasting the news to the whole world?

“I found your YouTube channel.”

There was a pause as Grantaire slowly turned white and leaned back in his seat. “I didn’t know you deigned to participate in activities reserved for mere mortals.” His knuckles were white on his coffee cup. The silence was uncomfortable, but Enjolras waited, afraid anything he tried to say would just be deflected. Finally, Grantaire looked out the window and asked, “How did you find out?”

“Joly knew I was stressed and he sent me a playlist of his favorite videos, or maybe all his videos, there were so many. And then I started searching for, well, triggers I guess you call them, that I liked, and I found one of you sketching. But I didn’t realize it was you. And then I fell asleep at some point and when I woke up it was your, um, your new video with Jehan.” Grantaire looked like he was contemplating breaking through the window and running away at full speed, so he added, “I really liked them.” Grantaire turned towards him like he had grown an extra head. “And I was – jealous.”

Grantaire laughed, real despite his nervousness. “Jealous? Of what?” 

“Of Jehan.”

Grantaire laughed again. “Jehan? Enjolras, I couldn’t even braid your hair if you wanted me to.” 

“What if I just wanted you to touch it?” Enjolras looked down at the table as he felt his cheeks burn. 

Grantaire spluttered. “Why would – OK, listen, I get it. I was super overwhelmed when I first found ASMR videos and just wanted to feel tingly all the time and shit, so I can see why you’re projecting your feelings. Just spend your whole weekend watching videos. Preferably not mine. It’ll wear off a little, and you’ll see you were just confused.”

“Are you upset I watched, Grantaire? I assumed if Jehan mentioned it, you wouldn’t mind. Or maybe I read too much into it.”

“Some people think it’s weird. I mean, it sounds really fucking weird if you don’t know what it feels like.” He sighed and rubbed his stubble while Enjolras waited again. It wasn’t like Grantaire to care so much about what people thought was weird. “To be perfectly honest, since that’s what we seem to be doing, other people’s videos helped me a lot, like way too much, when I was working on all my shit, and once I was doing better, I started my own channel to try to give back, but it’s still sort of tied to bad times in my head. It’s stupid.”

“Grantaire, that’s not stupid at all. I think that’s really wonderful of you to do.” 

“I do make money off it, Apollo, before you think I’m a wonderful altruistic person.”

“It’s perfectly fair to want to be compensated for your hard work,” Enjolras said.

“Whoa, OK, slow down. I think you did watch too much. Something happened to your brain. Or you’re an imposter.”

“I did not watch too much, but watching your videos specifically, it – it made me realize I wanted to say something. About you.”

“Yes, yes, maybe I’m a little softer than you thought under my cynical exterior. Don’t tell anyone else.”

“No, Grantaire. I mean-” He heard Courfeyrac in his head, screaming at him just to say something. That advice had always sounded too straightforward to be useful. “I mean, I like you. Like like you. You know.” Grantaire’s facial expression made it clear that he did not, in fact, know. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way.” 

“I’m going to need you to clarify.” Grantaire’s voice was strangled.

“I mean, I would like to be in a relationship with you.” It sounded so clinical, but he was at a loss. He hated having to do things without any practice, but he couldn’t exactly practice for this. “I like you a lot. Just – I’ve never done this before, and I didn’t know how you felt, and I didn’t want to make things awkward.”

“If this were a movie, this is when I’d probably kiss you. But I’m not going to do that without asking.”

“Oh.” Now was the really hard part, but he couldn’t stop now. “I – I’m asexual. I don’t know exactly where I fall on the spectrum, but I don’t really find sex that appealing.” He swallowed. 

“I know.”

“What? How? Did someone tell you?” Combeferre and Courfeyrac had promised not to tell anyone, and Jehan hadn’t even needed to promise. 

“No, of course not. Eponine called it right away.” Grantaire frowned, but he looked thoughtful rather than upset or annoyed. “We still haven’t come up with a good name for it though. Acedar just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“Wait, you’ve known for…years?”

“Mm, I suppose that’s right.”

“And it doesn’t bother you? At all?”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course not. You don’t like capitalism. You don’t like people who can’t care enough to have opinions on politics. You don’t like sex. Those are just facts about you. It’s never bothered me.”

Now it was Enjolras’s turn to frown. “Wait, what do you mean ‘never?’”

“Uh, by never I mean never? I can cite the dictionary definition if you’d like.”

“May I kiss you, Grantaire?” Enjolras asked instead. He wasn’t sure how he felt about kissing as a general concept, but he did want to kiss Grantaire, right here, right now. He was thankful Grantaire responded by awkwardly scooting his chair around the table, making them both laugh, and then taking to lead, putting a hand on Enjolras’s knee and leaning in to kiss him very gently on the lips for a few moments. 

“Good?” Grantaire asked, cheeks pink, when he pulled away. 

“Yes.” Enjolras blushed again. “I can tell Combeferre to stay away tonight, if you want.” It still felt forward, even now when he knew Grantaire was interested. He didn’t even know what they would do, but he didn’t want to leave now.

Grantaire smirked, still blushing but more like his usual self. “What about my place? It would be a pain to take all my filming stuff over to your apartment.”

_The apartment is yours tonight_ , Enjolras texted Combeferre before he could get too distracted by the feeling of Grantaire’s hand in his. 

_New drawing video tomorrow!!!_ , Grantaire Tweeted out beneath a screenshot of his completed sketch of Enjolras before carefully curling around his sleeping boyfriend on the couch.

**Author's Note:**

> I have experienced ASMR my whole life but only found out there was a name for it a couple years ago and was floored to find how many videos are out there. It really helps with my depression and anxiety, and also just to relax! (I do not have chronic pain, but I based Joly's comment on the numerous comments I've seen in that vein, though I know it's different for everyone.)


End file.
